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Sunday, November 26, 2006
The Night the Sun RoseJune 15th
This is Jim Bradcliff reporting. What a wacky night we had last night. Huh, Connie?
That's right, Jim.
For those of you who didn't catch the sunset yesterday evening, it sure was beautiful. Though, as many of you may know, the darn thing just rose again on the other side instants later. Not even enough time for it to get dark out. And apparently this is a worldwide problem. That is, if you can call too much sunshine a problem.
Scientists and weathermen around the globe are baffled by this anomaly, but few have come out with any statement about what could have triggered this triple sunrise. One speculation is that the sun's light slowed down and then sped up again so that it hit us in two waves, one during the day, and then again during the night. Another is that the world is actually flat after all. But neither conclusion can be founded on any level of proof; we're still in the theory stages at this moment. But, scientists and scholars have been working on this around the clock and are going to get to the bottom of it.
Since this appears to be a one time break in the pattern, most believe that the sun will set tonight and stay down until morning. Connie?
In other news, crime rates plummet worldwide as everyone can see what everyone else is doing around the clock.
Thanks for joining us again this morning. We're here with Professor Thompson from John Hopkins University to talk about the sun which continues to set and then rise again each night and morning.
Now Professor, you specialize in Reason if I understand correctly.
You are correct.
What could be the possible Reasoning behind these illuminated nights we've been having?
Well Jim, there is a concept in philosophy of absolute truth, that is, things we know for certain because of their consistency. One absolute truth can be found in gravity. You know the saying, "What goes up must come down." That's what I'm talking about when I say "absolute," because it has always happened that way. Another, until this week, was that night will follow day, and day in turn will follow night. The fact that this has been so obviously disproven casts doubt on all that we thought we did know about the world. For example, is the world still a globe? We don't know for certain, because what we can measure and understand through scientific means is no longer irrefutable. Centuries of records and discoveries are now being replaced with question marks. It's a very exciting time.
I hear, Professor, that as we speak NASA is planning a series of probes to be sent out to take new measurement and photographs.
It won't prove productive, I'm afraid. You see, this is a matter of how we interpret the world, not a matter of its position in terms of the solar system. For, the solar system itself may or may not exist, at least in the sense that we conceive it to exist.
I'm not sure I follow.
We sent astronauts to the moon. They believed, truly believed that they would arrive there and so they did. We sent probes to Mars, believing that they would send back images of red dirt and craters and so they did.
Are you claiming that reality is a matter of belief and not really something concrete?
That is what it would appear under the current circumstances.
And how are you sleeping these days, Professor?
Not too well, Jim, not too well. It's a wonder if we even need to sleep what with the absence of night now. It makes you wonder what all we really need to do at all.
Well, I sure haven't been sleeping well either. Thank you again for joining us today. Hopefully, we'll be hearing from you again.
And we're back. Lovely commercial, Connie, though I'm not sure what the hell they were selling. Looked like a damned freak show really. Though it's a lovely morning, or evening. I'm not really sure anymore. Today, we're going to be talking about clocks. Why aren't they working anymore? Connie?
Well Jim, I believe that if everyone could just stop hallucinating for a minute someone might be able to sit down and read one.
You might have something there. Numerous claims of the second coming of Christ from various individuals, surprisingly not all men, not even all Christians. Religious leaders are calling it the end of times, and mental hospitals are overflowing. Though I can't see how they'll help since the doctors themselves are going a bit nutty.
A bit nutty, indeed, Jim.
On a lighter note, a personalized soundtrack has begun following me around where ever I go. Right now it's bringing me "Good Vibrations" from the Beach Boys if anyone else can hear it. If I could just get some sleep...damnedest thing is I'm not even tired. You sleep any this week, Connie?
Sure haven't. I tried to take a nap today, or yesterday, but my Grandmother woke me up. She'd baked me some heavenly oatmeal raisin cookies.
She's been dead fourteen years. I don't know what's going on. But let me tell you, she can sure still cook. How about those animals in the zoo this week?
The zoo was alive with dialogue yesterday, or today, and not just from the visitors. If you don't have a dog or a goldfish, you might not know it, but animals have come out of their taciturn nature and are speaking, that's right, speaking to humans. You're just hallucinating, Jim, you might say, but this appears to be universal. Pandas are protesting in China, bald eagles are giving long orations in the Capitol, and in Antarctica, well I suppose the penguins are content speaking with each other. Tomorrow, in fact, we'll be holding an interview with a sea otter recently released from the local zoo. So tune in. Are they even filming this?
Does it matter?
The Next Day, or Night
So what shall we call you?
Otter is fine.
Do you not have some sort of name that other otters call you by? That is to say, do other otters call you by some name?
This is not a time for names, nor do I believe a time for proper grammar.
You're one clever otter, Otter.
The cleverest. And yet, nothing special at all.
So why have you chosen now to speak? Is it a common fear of what is happening these days?
It is not fear of what is happening, but because of what is happening. And it is not I who has chosen to speak, but you who has chosen that I can speak. You see, with the recent abandonment of logic, people have begun to see what they had never before believed they could see. It is not that nobody has been sleeping that is causing these "hallucinations" but rather that no one seems to need sleep. Once you no longer see the world as it has always been you're free to see it in any way you can imagine it. It takes only one flaw in the nature of reality to set the world free. Do you understand, Jim? You are free.
completely great. i hope the sun comes up tomorrow night because now i want to know what would really happen. great ideas here, and humorous execution. also, i love otters. can't wait to read more... how's the novel coming?
extremely clever, exciting ideas, i laughed, i cried, i blew my nose. short stories may be the forte of steve.
Awesome. Could two suns also be a disprovable explanation? Could this be longer? It's so much fun.Post a Comment
"Are they even filming this?
Does it matter?"